Kaliswyrm


Round 2: Create a Bestiary entry

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2014 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Locke1520

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Whip-crack fast, this black and gold scaled, serpentine wyrm strikes, the massive serrated mandibles atop its eyeless, insectoid head snap closed with devastating force.
Kaliswyrm CR 3
XP 800
NE Medium outsider (native)
Init +7; Senses tremorsense 60 ft.; Perception +11
----- Defense -----
AC 17, touch 13, flat-footed 14 (+3 Dex, +4 natural)
hp 22 (3d10+6)
Fort +5, Ref +6, Will +2
----- Offense -----
Speed 20 ft., climb 15 ft.
Melee bite +5 (1d10+2 plus nab)
Ranged spit venom +6 (poison)
Space 5 ft.; Reach 10 ft.
Special Attacks spit venom
----- Statistics -----
Str 15, Dex 17, Con 14, Int 6, Wis 13, Cha 10
Base Atk +3; CMB +5 (+9 drag, +7 grapple); CMD 18 (20 vs. grapple)
Feats Improved Grapple, Improved Initiative
Skills Climb +13, Knowledge (local) +1, Perception +11, Stealth +9 (+11 inside it’s lair); Racial Modifiers +1 Knowledge (local), +4 Perception
Languages common
SQ extra-dimensional lair, hold breath
----- Ecology -----
Environment warm urban or underground.
Organization solitary or brood (2-6)
Treasure standard
----- Special Abilities -----
Extradimensional Lair (Su) The kaliswyrm creates an extradimensional space for its lair, anchoring the entry to a stationary stone or earth surface at least 5 ft. in diameter. This entry resembles an amorphous, overly-dark shadow. Regardless of the anchor point, the lair is always an airless extradimensional pit 5 ft. in diameter and 10 ft. deep. A DC 12 Climb check is required to climb out of the lair.

A kaliswyrm hunting from its lair gains a +2 Circumstance bonus to Stealth checks made to hide. During combat, a kaliswyrm concealing a portion of its body inside the lair gains the benefits of partial cover. Furthermore, it may drag a single creature of Medium size or smaller into the lair to suffocate.

An abandoned lair vanishes in 1d6 days. Anything left inside appears on the ground where the lair was anchored.

Nab (Ex) If a kaliswyrm hits with its bite attack, it deals normal damage and attempts to start a drag as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.
The kaliswyrm receives a +4 bonus on combat maneuver checks made to start a drag.

Poison (Su) Spit—contact; save Fort DC 13; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect numbing, -2 penalty to Strength and Dexterity; cure 1 save.

Spit Venom (Ex) As a standard action a kaliswyrm can spit venom up to 15 feet as a ranged touch attack.

Descended from the outsider subjects of mysterious ancient experiments with draconic blood, kaliswyrms are now typically encountered in cities with connections to Thassilon such as Magnimar and Kaer Maga.

A hunting kaliswyrm prefers to surprise its prey, striking and dragging it back into its lair to suffocate. It restrains its prey with vice-like mandibles and serpentine coils, sadistically relishing the final terrified struggles of its meal. If an enemy seems formidable the kaliswyrm spits a numbing toxin before engaging.

Cunning nocturnal predators, kaliswyrms have a rudimentary understanding of humanoid language and habits. They prefer to lair in alleys among the detritus and refuse, satisfying their hunger and murderous urges on vagrants, prostitutes and thieves. Animals and vermin can satisfy a kaliswyrm's diet, but if forced to subsist only on beasts it will abandon its current lair for a better hunting ground. In some rare cases, a fortunate kaliswyrm will make an alliance with a gang or thieves guild, which will feed their enemies to the wyrm.

Mostly loners, kaliswyrms seldom live near one another. Those few instances where a group of the creatures share a territory usually end in jealousy, violence and cannibalism.

Webstore Gninja Minion , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

Hi Andrew! I'll be one of the judges for this round, and I'll be looking at a couple of key points for your creature: flavor, GM usability, and how well it fits into the world of Golarion. For some background, I helped found the Wayfinder fanzine before I started working for Paizo, and these are all points that I took into consideration when selecting articles for the magazine. In addition, I oversee every third-party Pathfinder Roleplaying Game product that makes its way onto Paizo.com.

Flavor
This is a combination of abilities and features I was not expecting--extradimensional hidey hole, poison, in a draconic body, with an insectoid head? Much more interesting than an ethereal filcher. I am curious as to why it prefers more intelligent prey (as its implied that animals and vermin are not satisfying, which leads me to ask "why"), and what keeps them in an urban setting besides a steady food supply.

GM Usability
This is a creature I can totally see harassing adventures as they try to work their way through an investigation, or trying to navigate sewer tunnels. I *do* like your "nab" ability--a nice variation on the "grab" ability. Clever use of the alternate combat maneuvers presented in the Advanced Player's Guide.

Setting
Thassilon is always ripe for origin stories. Given its poisonous abilities, tying it Viperwall (or serpentfolk) would have been an excellent choice as well. There's a bit of handwavium with its origins, though, and falling back on the "it's an experiment!" trope is perhaps its biggest weakness.

Final Thoughts
I want to use this creature in my next urban encounter--just different enough to make players double-take and far more interesting than the aforementioned filchers. I do recommend this monster for advancement.

Goblinworks Lead Game Designer

Hi Andrew, I'm Lee Hammock, the lead game designer on Pathfinder Online. Before that I did lots of d20 freelance work, but I'm probably going to be leaving mechanics to the more up to date judges and concentrating on story, overall balance, and how I could see using them in a game.

The combat abilities of the kaliswyrm seem interesting, creating an unusual tactical situation where it wants to hit people with a poison/nab/drag/suffocate combo that is more complex and interesting than a lot of monsters. Granted it is an extensive combo, so I'm not sure it would survive that long (especially considering how long it takes someone to suffocate). I'm actually sad they're written up as being anti-social as groups of kaliswyrms could provide a really interesting threat, both tactically and in the story they create. Having to worry about these things coming out of any shadowy corner is interesting, but if there's only one, once it gives away it's lair the tension is gone. As they stand, they seem something that would be best used in a murder mystery where the players have to find what's killing the locals, but once they do they probably would not have much trouble flattening it unless it's got the thief guild allies mentioned.

I would say this is a Should Vote For.

Paizo Employee Developer , Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Congrats on making it to this round! May you have the luck and talent to push all the way through to the end!

”How I Judged These Monsters”:

When I develop a monster for the Adventure Path bestiaries, I print out the monster entry, and then go through it in a quick pass, marking up the page with notes and highlighting any problems that I need to address later when I really dig into it. Much of the time I’m circling things in the stat block or flavor text and leaving a quick note. Most often, this quick note pass is performed while I’m writing out art orders for the monsters so I can make sure that the description I give to the artist is what the final monster will be. This is where I make note of any changes I plan to make (some of which I’m sure frustrate some of my freelancers from time to time).

I’m going to judge this round in a similar manner to how I’d treat a monster I ordered from a freelancer if I asked one of my freelancers to just send me something within the same parameters that you’ve been given. My review isn’t anything personal, and since tone is difficult to communicate online sometimes, imagine my comments and critiques read in a friendly and nudging way. To heighten the experience, imagine my comments on your monster written in purple ink. :)

The blue italicized first line in my review was my gut reaction from reading the name with no context whatsoever. It was a fun guessing game I was playing while reviewing the monsters, so I included that note for everyone’s enjoyment. (Spoiler Alert: I was wrong a lot.)

And now to the monster!

I imagine a dragon of some sort considering the “wyrm” part.

I was wrong. Maybe it’s just me, but having “wyrm” in its name and it not being a dragon is a bit weird, but not a deal breaker.
I like the descriptive flavor of a bug-like dragony thing.
Native outsider is an interesting choice.
AC is a bit high, but its hit points are low.
Warm in the environment line doesn’t match up with Magnimar or Kaer Maga.
I like the extradimensional lair.
Spell out feet in running text.
Circumstance isn’t capitalized.
Why is the extradimensional lair airless? How does the creature breathe? Is it only supposed to be in there for a little while or does it lair in there long term? (it seems that no breath would be a better UMR than hold breath).
Making this critter a native outsider was a smart move for a reason that many people miss. Non-native outsiders don’t need to eat, but so many times people design them where they are referred to as being hungry all the time or they like to eat this or that. Sure, outsiders can eat, but they don’t need to, so ravenous shouldn’t figure into things. I applaud your subtype selection because of my pet peeve.
That said, I don’t see why this one is an outsider. It easily could be a magical beast, dragon, or aberration.
All in all, this is a cool idea. It just needs some tinkering.
The monster is urban and is tied to Golarion.
It would take a little bit of time to develop

I do recommend kaliswyrm for advancement.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka MythrilDragon

Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!

Shadow Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka mamaursula

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Congratulations on a trifecta Andrew!

Edited to add: I forgot to mention earlier and for the sake of full disclosure, I am married to Andrew Marlowe and have proofread this and all entries he will enter. As such, I will give no critiques on any entries from the other active contestants. I do wish them all the best of luck and may the best designer win!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Congrats Andrew!

Your descriptive sentence at the top kind of gives me a headache.

This is a cool little...thing. I agree that wyrm may not have been the best thing to put in the name but not a deal breaker.

I'm a little thrown off because it has tremorsense but it has +11 to Perception. I usually expect creatures with tremorsense to have slightly worse perception than normal.

Always airless throws me as well. The opening is open as far as the ability describes (since it would be using it to pop out quickly and nab someone) so I just don't see why air isn't leaking into the place.

Overall cool idea and I would like to use this critter. Keep!

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

What Andrew said - a very cool monster. I especially like the "rope trick" lair, an elegant way of hiding in a urban environment combined with a built-in ambush spot.

I'm almost guaranteed to vote for this.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Interesting monster. I was expecting something draconic, like Adam.

Paizo Employee Developer , Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Drejk wrote:
Interesting monster. I was expecting something draconic, like Adam.

Are you calling me draconic?

Just kidding. I understand ya. :)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

Neat description. Love the extra-dimensional lair schtick.

The first sentence is cumbersome. How about This black and gold scaled serpentine wyrm strikes whip-crack fast; the massive serrated mandibles atop its eyeless insectoid head snap closed with devastating force. Hmmm...maybe not. Needs some sort of rework, though. :)


Adam Daigle wrote:
Drejk wrote:
Interesting monster. I was expecting something draconic, like Adam.

Are you calling me draconic?

Just kidding. I understand ya. :)

Half-dragon flumph! That would be great NPC!

No, I am not calling you an NPC either :P

Dark Archive

Neat mechanics, sort of like a supernatural trapdoor spider, leaping out and nabbing foes. I like that it's not an otherwise normal critter with a special power (like a blink dog) and is kind of alien, with a bit of snake and a bit of insect (reminiscent of ye olde tenebrous worm).

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8 , Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Mark D Griffin

I like this monster quite a bit, but I think it's unfortunate that it can't be in its lair for more than 84 minutes. Where does it sleep? Adam's right, change hold breath for no breath and this works pretty well.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Darkjoy

It is a weird, but fun monster.

The oddest line in your description was this: If an enemy seems formidable the kaliswyrm spits a numbing toxin before engaging.

I really wonder how a blind creature would know if an enemy is formidable...

So I am going with weak keep for now

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Echoing other comments about the descriptive text - it is a headache, and the past tense of "snap closed" frustrates me. Also, I don't really think an activity needs to happen in the text. Personally I don't ever read these to players, they are more a guideline for me to describe, so it isn't a big issue.

Great idea, neat creature. Somehow, the simplicity of how you have written this creature up evokes a lot of imagery and I can see myself using these as recurring, nasty and annoying creatures. Poion, venom spit and drag to airless hole. Fantastic.


I have a complaint, though... The picture included is misleading!

Spoiler:
:P


"Snap closed" is not past tense. While there's a lot going on in the description, I don't think subject-verb agreement is a problem.

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

I think this and the guttersnipe might be the best of the round. Congrats, my friend.

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32, 2011 Top 4 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka DankeSean

Very nice, and appropriately horrifying. You're walking down an alley, there's a patch of darkness, it's totally not big enough to hide the monster that's been eating people you you ignore it and walk on by and OH MY GOD IT JUST JUMPED OUT AT YOU.
So yeah, good concept. I had likewise been expecting something more dragon-y, but I like the image as presented as well. All in all, very solid. My only issue is that it's 'lair' isn't really a 'lair' since it has to pop out to breathe every hour and a half or so. Getting a few hours nap must be a pain!
But that's just fine tuning. All in all, this is very well done. High vote contender for me.


I didn't have a lot of time for item reviewing this weekend, so I'll do monsters instead. First I'll look at how the monster's basic rundown fits the monster creation table, then general theme and abilities.

= Monster meets the target statistics for its CR
+ Monster exceeds the target stats for its CR
++ Monster greatly exceeds target stats for its CR
- Monster's stats do not meet target stats for its CR
-- Monster's stats are greatly below target stats for its CR

hp: --
AC: +
High Atk: +/=
Low Atk: n/a
High Dmg: --
Low Dmg: n/a
Primary Ability DC: -
Secondary Ability DC: n/a
Good save: +/=
Poor save: =

Egg Shen: "[Exclamation in Chinese] You will come out no more!"
Jack Burton: "What, huh?! What'll come out no more?!"

The higher AC doesn't quite balance its much lower-than-average hp, but considering it attacks from the partial cover of its lair--adding to AC and its Reflex save--I'd say that's enough to make it work. I had to reread that descriptive blurb four times. Needs work. Something with "wyrm" in its name should be a dragon. In fact, it could have been a dragon with the extraplanar subtype. That said, this thing has some great flavor and abilities. I'm fond of ambush predators, and this one fits the bill well. I'm in agreement about switching out "hold breath" for "no breath" as it fits the creature and isn't overpowering.

My biggest confusion comes from the tremorsense. If this thing lives in an extradimensional pocket, then vibrations outside the pocket shouldn't reach it, right? So then the question becomes: how does it know prey are in the area?

All in all, this is a pretty strong entry and a pretty strong contender for one of my votes.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka MythrilDragon

Steven Helt wrote:
I think this and the guttersnipe might be the best of the round. Congrats, my friend.

Well that is a pretty awesome endorsement.


I like this monster. I was walking home today and thought about the person in front of me getting snapped up into extradimensional space by one of those things. It is always the prostitutes and vagrants that get the short end of the stick,

That said I had to re-read the first description a couple of times and it does seem that the monster would be better if it did not require air.

Still something I wouldn't mind ambushing my PCs with. It will get my vote.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Congrats on making the Top 32!

What makes the kaliswyrm interesting is that you used the design space in a very effective way. At CR 3, an APL of 2 will have the opportunity to be wowed by the unique encounter and still have a chance to recover whichever member gets knocked over by the kaliswyrm before she is dragged into a very bad place.

Likewise, a GM can insert this monster in any urban campaign as a plot-hook for an up to APL 5 group, since the kaliswyrm can make its urban home very hard to find, but its victims many and/or prominent.

I'll echo the sentiment that 'wyrm' is misleading, as far as cannon goes, but overall very well done.

Thanks!

Shadow Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Reminds me of Ridley from Metroid.

Star Voter Season 7

First off, congratulations on making it to the second tier of the competition.

Man, I really feel for the PC bringing up the rear of a party walking down an alley. Knowing how badly my group rolls their Perception checks, I read this entry and realized no one in the party would know what happened before the PC last in line disappeared into an extradimensional space. I would love the opportunity to see what happens when these critters get bigger, too. Good luck.

Star Voter Season 7

Starfinder Superscriber

Nicely nicely! Voting for!

Dark Archive

Holybushman wrote:
I would love the opportunity to see what happens when these critters get bigger, too.

Or what happens when you run into a nest of them, and they are popping out all around you.

Or some variant than can create multiple of these 'trapdoors,' and dive from one to another, snatching a target in mid-leap from one bolthole, and yoinking it's catch into another...

This beastie lends itself to some amazing visuals.

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka MythrilDragon

Set wrote:

Or what happens when you run into a nest of them, and they are popping out all around you.

Or some variant than can create multiple of these 'trapdoors,' and dive from one to another, snatching a target in mid-leap from one bolthole, and yoinking it's catch into another...

This beastie lends itself to some amazing visuals.

The description says an abandoned lair disappears in 1d6 days. There is nothing that says it can't make more than one at a time, so a DM could easily set up an encounter with two or three "holes" and make this happen with the creature as written.

The nest would be nasty, with their tendency to be violent and cannibalistic with each other over hunting grounds...wow that could be vicious and gruesome encounter. Kaliswyrms attacking the party, party attacking kaliswryms...kaliswyrms attacking each other....two kaliswyrms playing tug a war with Cleric.

Star Voter Season 7

Andrew Black wrote:
Set wrote:
....two kaliswyrms playing tug a war with Cleric.

Ah, playing tug of war with the cleric...brings back memories...good times, good times.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 8 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7 aka Demiurge 1138

I've given this round a lot of thought. I've read over all of the monsters, done some deliberation, and come to my conclusions. That said:

The idea of an other-dimensional trapdoor centipede nabbing victims and dragging them into an extradimensional bolthole is a solid one. The visuals are compelling and the niche works for a low-level urban predator with a twist. The creature type bugs me, but that's mostly a matter of taste--native outsiders tend to be creatures with strong connections to souls and spirits (oni, kami, rakshasa) or hybrids of extraplanar and mortal life (tieflings et al). An extraplanar aberration or magical beast would have suited it more, I think. The intro sentence, while dynamic, is a beast of a run-on.

Putting aside this more nit-picky stuff, a number of mechanical problems that prevent me from voting for this in good confidence. The airless hole/ lack of no breath combo has been brought up a number of times. This isn't a lair--it's a trap, and one nearly as dangerous to the kaliswyrm as to its victims. Remember, breath held is lost at double-rate if the critter takes a standard action. It would have to be popping into and out of its lair frequently in order to breathe, especially since its tremorsense really shouldn't work across planar boundaries. If the entry called this out as an exception, I'd be game for it. But it doesn't.

In addition, its poison-spit (love a good poison-spit) deals an ability penalty, not ability damage. Ability penalties do not stack with themselves, so nobody is ever going to take secondary damage from this.

To sum up, although the concept is solid and appealing, there are a number of serious design flaws that prevent the kaliswyrm from actually playing the way it was intended to. I will not be voting for this entry. However, it does seem to be very popular, so I imagine that you will be moving on to Round 3. Best of luck!

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Congratulations Andrew,
I am trying to keep reviews simple to get through them quickly.
Creative: A fiendish dragon, a draconic outsider? Yes. Though it maintains balance like few mash-ups I've seen. I like the lair and its various strategic abilities.
Fun to GM: indeed. the lair is cool though much of it should probably be in tactics. Native outsiders do breath, and I am not sure the difference between grab and nab (EDIT: found it :)
Golarion Tie: weak, but not lost.

Good luck! :)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Kaliswyrm
The Good: Most evocative description I've seen this round of the contest.
The Bad: eyeless makes for a weird picture which is what sells a beastiary
The Ugly: I don't see the tremorsense working well with the extradimensional lair.
Overall: 8/10 One of the better entries thus far in the round.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka JoelF847

I liked the nab ability as a variant on the grab or trip abilities other monsters have. The rest was a bit of a weird mix to me. Overall, it's basically just another ambush predator, but the nab ability and the extra-dimensional lair gives it a place to hide prey if it's hunting lone targets. However, PCs rarely are alone, so while that's cool for story purposes, it's not likely to hide a PC that it nabs.

Also, I liked the idea of the extra-dimensional lair, but not the execution as much. First, if the monster is fully in the lair, and not hiding partially out of it, what is the perception check to see the lair? Next, I really dislike abilities that rely on suffocation, since the base rules for that in the game are so generous, that even your low Con 8 wizard can survive 4 rounds before even needing a save without holding his breath, which is generally more than enough to be rescued. While you say how long an abandoned lair takes to fade away, how long does a Kaliswyrm need to make a new lair? Finally, being extra-dimensional, does it rely on or tend to have treasure that's also extra-dimensional? It would have been cooler to me if some aspect of the fact that you can't access extra-dimensional containers within another extra-dimensional space was involved...otherwise the lair really isn't all that different from a mundane pit.

Overall, a week vote


Pretty cool monster. Not too bothered by the "wyrm" descriptor despite it not being a dragon. I also like the phonetic play on the name. :)

Shadow Lodge Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

Kaliswyrm

Category: Dungeon monster with Urban slapped on it

Flavor Factor: It's an extradimensional Snake/Insect/outsider. They don't feel particularly urban, in fact the only thing that makes them urban is stating the fact in the flavor text since nothing about their description and their skills suggest they are supposed to live there. I also feel the whole “It's an experiment” is some sort of lame anything goes rule. Definitely not a fan of that.

Cool factor: Again. It's an extradimensional Snake/Insect/outsider. So it is kinda cool. But I do feel like something is missing. Maybe you should focus more on why they are what they are and what this experiment was all about. As it is now seems like a bunch of powers and anatomic features mixed randomly which to me makes it a little less cool.

Mechanics Factor: As someone already pointed out. It's weird to have a creature with an airless extradimensional lair that still needs to breathe. Also the way you worded Nab makes me believe that every time this creature bites it HAS no choice but to drag something into his lair. Then there is the suffocation. Suffocation is pretty hard to use as a viable threat during combat, it just takes too long. I would avoid to use it. In organization you state that it can be encountered solitary or in a brood between 2 and 6 members. Nonetheless in the last paragraph you picture it as highly territorial and even prone to cannibalism if a group of these creature lives together.

Clarity Factor: Aside from the nab mechanic, the entry reads pretty well. Minor formatting errors have been already pointed out. I have some trouble trying to figure out what does it looks like exactly, but since monsters usually have pictures that should not be a problem.

Usability Factor: The monster is great for ambushes. Any gm could use it in many ways.

Vote: I feel this monster is ultimately not supposed to be urban. Most of the cool factor of the monster comes from mixing elements that are cool in a blender, snakes, dragons, outsiders, magic, extraplanar... it's basically everything people will perceive as cool. But by itself this monster is less than impressing. I did not vote for this entry. Sorry.

Liberty's Edge Contributor, RPG Superstar 2012 , Star Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

The description evokes a very cool visual. "Nab" worried me when I encountered it, but I like it as a term for the creature's drag-not-grab ability. You did a great job explaining why the kaliswyrm is an urban creature and how it fits into Golarion.

When I read the description, I expected something larger than Medium, and, of course, I expected it to be a dragon (you explain its draconic origins, so I can give that a pass).

I'm considering a vote for the kaliswyrm, and I wish you luck in this round.

Shadow Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka mamaursula

Scarletrose wrote:

Kaliswyrm

Then there is the suffocation. Suffocation is pretty hard to use as a viable threat during combat, it just takes too long.

You have overlooked a very loaded word - "sadistic".

I swore I would say nothing until the voting closed and I have. I will let Andrew answer the rest of your concerns if he chooses to.

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2014 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Locke1520

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I'd like to thank everyone who supported my kaliswyrm in the voting booth but I'd also like to thank every one who contributed to the discussion of my monster here even if you disliked it.

The discussion helps me see where the kaliswyrm worked and where I needed to be clearer. If I have time I'll try to get into more specifics soon. In the meantime here are a few issues I'd like to address briefly now though.

Tremorsense v. Blindsense: We'll put this firmly in the oops category. The day after I submitted I realized I should have changed this as I had not adequately defined what an "insectoid head" looked like. my original concept was for the Kaliswyrm's head to be brimming with antennae through which it could sense movement. When I realized my error it was too late to change but we live and learn.

Breathing v. not breathing: I'm still torn on this issue. I intentionally chose to make this a native outside because I want it to really be hungry and not just enjoy eating. But I also wanted this thing to breathe. The no breath SQ seemed like a cheat here I didn't want to take but I can certainly see the arguments for breathless and could be convinced to alter it pretty easily.

For me though, the kaliswyrm is more like a dolphin or other sea mammal in that it breaths by just breaching the surface of it's home environment and I think with some developement that could have been made clearer. Again we live and learn.

Scarletrose wrote:

Kaliswyrm

Category: Dungeon monster with Urban slapped on it

I'm going to politely disagree with this assessment. You are welcome to your opinion but you should know I did an absolute dance of joy when urban was announced. Simply because urban environments were where I had always imagined this guy.

The origin of the Kaliswyrm was a video I saw on Facebook of a sea creature called a bobbit worm. An accompanying article talked about how an aquarium continued to mysteriously lose fish from a particular tank. In order to solve the mystery the staff had to drain the tank and it was discovered that an enormous bobbit worm had been accidentally transported in on the coral reef that provided the fish with a habitat.

My mind immediately went to monsters and gaming. The question that nagged at me was what if the habitat was a castle or a town and the thing ate people? From that question the Kaliswyrm evolved.

Dungeons are predictably full of man eating horrors the city not so much.

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